As you may know, I am a mother of three wonderful children. What you may not know is that I feel like a robot sometimes. As a parent, it seems as though we get into a routine which often becomes so natural that we don't think, we just do it. Some would say that is a good thing, but for me, it has a downside. I am the type of person that likes to live my life and enjoy everything that I do, not just observe. I try to soak in every adorable moment with my infant and near 3yr. old, but then still have the near 7yr. old to spend time with. I adore all of my children and am so grateful to have such smart, cute, and caring kids, but I often find that I am just going through the motions and supressing vital emotions throughout my days.
Take for example, this week already...(it's only Tuesday)....I am already not feeling so great thanks to being a female and the things that come along with it, my son has been sick for a week and he not so conveniently forgets to cover his mouth, blow his nose, or wash his hands on a regular basis, so I am annoyed and disgusted at the germs being spread....I am somewhat germophobic. Taking all that into account, our finances are shot. I mean there is NO MONEY until Friday with the exception of a small child support payment that will go straight to my gas tank since I am on E yet again. I want to enjoy time with my young girls, but when the 3 month old is screaming due to teething, the 2 year old wants to play, and I am trying to get my son to do his 4 days worth of homework due to being home sick from school, I just don't have it in me to play "happy mommy".
This brings me to my robot mom point. I am so run dry, worn out, frustrated, depressed, and angry about things but I can't even express my feelings in the right way. I had pushed them so far down to be a good mom that I couldn't even access them to process them. I just want to have a good cry and get it all out, but it's like I can't let my own guard down long enough to cry it out. I am always thinking that I don't have time to feel emotions because my daughter needs breakfast, another needs a diaper, and the house needs cleaned.
When is it ok to throw in the towel and admit that I am not a super mom? I don't want to seem incapable, weak, or lazy to my husband or anyone else I may ask for help or just talk to, so I become a robot that does what she's expected to do and doesn't ask questions or stop for a minute.
Oh, and to top it all off, I was getting the girls out of the van after taking my son to the bus stop and slid on the drive way while holding my 2 year old. I hurt my leg and backside in the process, along with soaking my pants and freezing my tail off in the snow.
When does the chaos end? Is it possible to be the best mom I can be, have a clean house, a social life, a healthy relationship with God, a healthy relationship with my husband, and volunteer my time at church or wherever else? Why would God give me the desire to do things if I can't handle all of the responsibility? I want to be the best at what I do, but maybe I just need to be the best ME I can be and accept that for what it is. I want to be what God called me to be and nothing else. I want people to see the Jesus in me, not the just the mom in me. I want to be taken seriously and respected as a person, not just a mom who is good at juggling things....does that make sense to anyone? If you relate, please feel free to comment. Good luck to you all and God bless!
Take for example, this week already...(it's only Tuesday)....I am already not feeling so great thanks to being a female and the things that come along with it, my son has been sick for a week and he not so conveniently forgets to cover his mouth, blow his nose, or wash his hands on a regular basis, so I am annoyed and disgusted at the germs being spread....I am somewhat germophobic. Taking all that into account, our finances are shot. I mean there is NO MONEY until Friday with the exception of a small child support payment that will go straight to my gas tank since I am on E yet again. I want to enjoy time with my young girls, but when the 3 month old is screaming due to teething, the 2 year old wants to play, and I am trying to get my son to do his 4 days worth of homework due to being home sick from school, I just don't have it in me to play "happy mommy".
This brings me to my robot mom point. I am so run dry, worn out, frustrated, depressed, and angry about things but I can't even express my feelings in the right way. I had pushed them so far down to be a good mom that I couldn't even access them to process them. I just want to have a good cry and get it all out, but it's like I can't let my own guard down long enough to cry it out. I am always thinking that I don't have time to feel emotions because my daughter needs breakfast, another needs a diaper, and the house needs cleaned.
When is it ok to throw in the towel and admit that I am not a super mom? I don't want to seem incapable, weak, or lazy to my husband or anyone else I may ask for help or just talk to, so I become a robot that does what she's expected to do and doesn't ask questions or stop for a minute.
Oh, and to top it all off, I was getting the girls out of the van after taking my son to the bus stop and slid on the drive way while holding my 2 year old. I hurt my leg and backside in the process, along with soaking my pants and freezing my tail off in the snow.
When does the chaos end? Is it possible to be the best mom I can be, have a clean house, a social life, a healthy relationship with God, a healthy relationship with my husband, and volunteer my time at church or wherever else? Why would God give me the desire to do things if I can't handle all of the responsibility? I want to be the best at what I do, but maybe I just need to be the best ME I can be and accept that for what it is. I want to be what God called me to be and nothing else. I want people to see the Jesus in me, not the just the mom in me. I want to be taken seriously and respected as a person, not just a mom who is good at juggling things....does that make sense to anyone? If you relate, please feel free to comment. Good luck to you all and God bless!
